I just got on the bus five minutes ago. It was under half full but for some reason my legs were like: ‘hey instead of taking one of the million empty double-seats sit next to this guy in gym gear’. If this wasn’t bad enough then I sent to my girlfriend a text saying ‘omg I need to poop so bad’, and put my phone in my lap without closing the screen and he glanced over and read my poop message. I’ve also been sucking in a fart the entire time I’ve been typing this. God, I am the worst kind of awkward.